Ephesians 5:22-33- Marriage

Ephesians 5:22-33

Genesis 2:18-25

Marriage: Jesus and His Church

Well many people may start preaching this passage with an apology or two……but I am not going to do that today.

To start a sermon with an apology of what God’s word is telling us, is almost like telling God that we think his word is harsh, outdated or just not relevant.

We may read the word “submit” and just cower…..and yet we shouldn’t, because if we fully understand the biblical principle of this word submit, we will actually find great comfort in it.

God’s word is living and active, He speaks to us today through the bible, His word is good and His word is life giving…….and so as we read these words, I hope today, we see the beauty of them.

Look at chapter 5 verses 22-24 with me:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

The apostle Paul says that wives are to submit to their own husbands, as to the Lord.

In all 40 occasions that the New Testament uses the word “submit”, it means this, “to arrange yourself under someone’s authority, for example, as soldiers accept the authority of their commanding officers”.

It may seem a little strange that Paul uses this word submit for wives and husbands, but when we fully understand what he is talking about, we will see it is not.

If authority is exercised in a godly way, and submission is exercised in a godly way- it is a good thing- in fact: it is a God thing, since it reflects the relationship between God the Father and God the son, Jesus submitted always and perfectly to the authority of His father.

When the bible speaks of authority and submission, it speaks in a beautiful way that is very different from the world’s idea of authority and submission, because good and right authority and submission is first of all, done under the authority of Jesus.

And the authority of Jesus was displayed perfectly in sacrifice and service.

The world associates submission with inferiority, weakness, a lack of power, a lack of ability, whereas real submission is none of those things. In fact biblical, real submission is the opposite of those things. When Jesus submitted himself perfectly to his Father, it wasn’t because he was inferior to his father, NO he was and is equal to his father. When Jesus submitted to his father’s will on the cross, it wasn’t weakness, but it was strength, it was power. When Jesus submitted to his father, it showed an unbreakable love and trust between He and His father.

As we read this text, let us remember the truth that Jesus proclaimed in Matthew 28: 18 when he said “All authority in heaven and earth has been given to me”

And so, if you are a wife, reading verse 22 today, read it all- “wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord……as to the Lord”

When a wife submits to their husband and we will flesh out what they may practically look like, she is actually submitting to the teachings of Jesus. She is pleasing God first and foremost as she submits to her husband.

No jostling for so- called position, or so- called power- just trusting God, trusting He will help her husband to lead.

Wives, when you submit to your husband, you are showing that you trust God, because this is how God has set up marriage.

When Jesus went to the cross, as it tells us in 1 Peter 2, Jesus didn’t revile when he was reviled, but instead he just entrusted himself to his father. He was showing the world that he trusted his father, as he submitted to his will.

And yet wives, that is not the most important reason why you should submit to your husband, there is an even better one- look at verse 23 and 24 again with me:

For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Paul says that as a wife submits to her husband, she is actually displaying a visible picture of the gospel, or to be more precise she is displaying a picture of the relationship between Jesus and His people.

Did you ever think upon that men and women? Your marriage is a picture of the relationship between Jesus and the church.

And so those are the reasons why a wife should submit to her husband,

1.        It is pleases God

2.        It displays the relationship between Jesus and the church

but let me quickly explain what that submission does not look like.

Submission is not some mindless submission.

When Jesus submitted to his father’ will that he would go to the cross, he still prayed in the garden of gethsemane the night before, that there may be another way. Jesus still talked it out with his father as he submitted to his will.

A husband who leads well, will listen to his wife, they will talk through things together, they will wrestle through things together and most times in my experience, there will be a consensus of nearly all decisions. There may on the odd occasion be times, when someone has to make a call, and fellas……that is on you……you have to make a call, own it, do what you think is best for the family.

Secondly, submission  is not submission that violates God’s laws.

So, sisters, if your husband is being physically abusive to you, you need to report him to the police authorities and get out of that relationship. If your husband is domineering you, and telling you to do things, while he himself is living a life of sin, you need to tell him that he needs to repent and change his behaviour. You don’t just suffer in silence. 

And so just as we (His church) glorify Jesus as we submit to his will in our lives, as we arrange our lives according to his rule, wives will also glorify Jesus (and honour their husbands) as they also trust their husbands to rule over their household. A wife that joyfully submits to her husband rule, is a wife that is living out the gospel in her life.

In fact, all marriages, by God’s design are to reflect the beauty of the gospel.

Marriage is a God thing.

God conducted the first marriage ceremony in the garden of Eden, when he brought Eve to Adam and declared that the two became one. He declared that a man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, as they form a new family unit.

The laws of this land in Australia and many other countries, have redefined marriage to include a relationship between a man or a man or a woman and a woman. This simply is not marriage- this is not how God designed and set up marriage. It is not surprising that godless nations like ours no longer define marriage as God created it, since they reject God and His ways.

Unfortunately this beautiful thing which God created-Marriage, has been twisted into something else in our culture.

And just like submission has been used and abused in our culture, authority has also been used and abused- and yet as we will see today, authority, God-given authority, is not something bad, but it is in fact something beautiful.

Look at verse 25 with me:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 

And look at verse 28 also

In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies

Paul doesn’t command husbands to lead their wives here, or exercise authority over them, that is a given from the previous verses, but he commands husbands to Love their wives. A husband leads his wife out of love for her. Just as Christ leads us, His church out of his love for us, so husbands are to lead their wives out of love.

In fact brothers, I would say that when we fail to lead our wives, when we fail to step up and take responsibility, when we fail to protect our wives, it probably shows a lack of love for our wives.  When we shirk our responsibility we are showing a lack of love.

And just as Christ loves his church and leads them and sacrificed himself for us, husbands are to love and lead their wives by sacrificing for them.

Husbands, by the grace of God, we lead out of love, and we sacrifice out of love for our wives.

Yes, that means we are willing to physically die for our wives, but perhaps even more demanding is that we are willing to sacrifice those little things each day. We sacrifice our sport time to help out with the kids, we sacrifice our promotion, if it means we spend more time at home, or it means we take on more work to pay the bills…..

Brothers, we love our wives, we lead, we sacrifice, but most of all, we pray and do everything we can to help her in her walk with Jesus.

Look at verses 25-28 with me:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,  that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 

Let us be clear,

Jesus is the only who washes us clean from our sins, husbands don’t wash their wives sins away.  Jesus is the saviour, not a husband.

Jesus is the only one who presents us holy and blameless before our maker, husbands don’t make their wives holy and blameless.

Although brothers, if you really loved your wife, you would want nothing greater than her eternal salvation. You pray for her, you encourage her in her reading of God’s word, you encourage her in bible study groups, you encourage her and help get the kids ready for church.  You encourage her to use the gifts that God has given her. You encourage her is her walk with God.

Because brothers, here is the sobering truth- You are not your wife’s’ greatest treasure………Jesus is…..

When God created Adam and Eve, he didn’t join them together, so they could gaze into each other’s eyes for eternity, because God knew that wouldn’t eternally satisfy them, but he created Adam and Eve and joined them together, so they could work the garden together.

God created marriage, so that man and woman could serve God together. God created marriage so that He would be glorified in marriage.

Friends this may be a relief to some of you today- just in case you didn’t know-

let me spell it out- You are not God,

your husband, your wife is not God,

They are a wonderful gift from God, but they are not God.

Your husband or wife may a rich source of Joy, but they are not your ultimate source of Joy, only Jesus and Jesus alone can carry that weight and deliver on it.

And if you are here today and are not married and thinking that all this has nothing to do with you. Well, let me remind you, that your fundamental identity, at the core of who you are, is not rooted in your marriage status, it is not rooted in your Facebook status, it is not rooted in your sexual identity, but at the core of every single human being is this:

You have been created by God and for God, whether single or married.

And if you believe this is at the core of who you are, it will determine everything about you.

If you don’t believe this is at your core, you may believe the lies of this world, which would suggest your job is at the core of who you are, or your sexual identity, or your family heritage, and if any of these things are at the core of who you are, then your life will look very different from someone who knows that at their core…….is this purpose……that they have been created by God and for God. 

Friends, if you are single, glorify God in your singleness.

If you are married, glorify God in your marriage.

Because whether you are single or married, you were created by God and for God.

Let us pray.